Monday, September 1, 2014

August 29, 2014

 My Body is the House I Can't Stop Setting on Fire

My mother used to tell me that my body 
is a temple
with stained glass and high ceilings and the songs of angels inside,
but it took me sixteen years to realize
that she mistook the flames in my eyes for sunlit windows
and my broken screaming for song.
My bones creak like wooden floors
beneath the weight of my heavy skin
with every step I take,
I have poured so much kerosene into my blood
that it pumps through my veins
and swallowing kindling before the matches
is just an extra precaution
that I am willing to take,
because this house I grew up in
has never felt like home
and I have always been a stranger in my own halls.
I've been growing up alongside my ghosts in this body
doing my best to fend off the darkness that surrounds them
and consumes me
but the nightlight in my room does not keep them away.
 I've found it easier to breathe smoke through my lungs
and let my rotting walls go up in flames 
because the fire shooting through this house 
burns bright enough to be reflected in 
the tinted windows of my eyes
and setting my ghosts on fire is so much easier
than living among them.
     So as of Wednesday of last week, I have completely scrapped the two and a half chapters of the book I was writing. I got completely stuck and had the worst writers block I've ever gotten, so even though I because extremely attached to the characters and the setting, I decided to change my project because I couldn't find a way around the various plot holes.
      Now, I've decided to do a poetry collection, like I had expected I would do at the beginning of this course. Three weeks into the nine weeks, I've already written many poems surrounding this topic, so I'm already a good chunk into the twenty or so poems I'd like to have in my completed work.
      The collection will be centered around the theme of home. Due to moving around a lot, facing depression and body image issues, and letting various people call themselves my home, this topic has always been one I tend to avoid. Lately however, I've been more and more willing to write about it. One of my good friends once told me that the things that hurt were the things I wrote best about, and I'm trying to take her advice.
      I know that this project will be much easier for me to complete, due to the fact that I'm constantly writing poems.
---Abbey Nichole

1 comment:

  1. I wish you'd talked with me before you scrapped the earlier project. Writer's block can be tough, but my job this semester is to get you through it.

    The poetry collection sounds like an interesting plan. We're halfway through the semester, though, and we need to start honing in on our presentation.

    Curiosity 2/2
    Context 3/3 well explained
    Exemplar 3/3
    Writing terms 1/2
    Writing quality 2/2